I've got 99 problems....

Today I am recovering from a quick unexpected surgery on my left ovary. Without all the juicy details there was a mass they removed it and I will still be able to have children. I'm super sore and broke the skin on one of the openings getting out of the tub tonight. During which I started to think of all the reasons I NEED to lose weight.
I am writing them all down here and as more come to mind I will edit the list and hopefully it positively impacts my self esteem or drive or motivation....something. So here it goes:

99. To be able to shop in the normal size section at stores
98. To walk up stairs without being winded
97. To look in the mirror and feel sexy
96. To go to the waterpark and ride more than one slide because it won't hurt me to walk all those stairs
95. To go to the waterpark and feel good in my swimsuit
94. To actually buy a swimsuit.
93. To be able to wear in style jeans without my ass hanging out for everyone to see.
92. To have more confidence in all aspects of my life.
91.So I can start a family and have a healthy pregnancy.
90. So I will be the most attractive wife for myself and my husband(Even though he thinks I am beautiful)
89.  To be healthy and put years back on my life expectancy.
88. To break the family cycle of type 2 diabetes.
87. So I can finally have that spot between my thighs when I am just standing.
86. To be fit and strong
85. To help overcome the stress of being a large person
84. So no one ever has to have the ackward "Are you pregnant" conversation with me when I am actually just big.
83. To know that I CAN do this even though it's going to be really difficult. I will succeed.
82.To fit in the airplane seats comfortably even if Scott never wants to fly.
81. To be able to ride all the rides at amusement parks.
80. To take my dog on a full out run and not have to stop until he is tired.
79. To be inspirational to someone battling the same issues.
78. To have a pea coat fit my arms right in the winter.
77. To eat healthy and make it a way of life not a sacrifice.
76. So I can do a push up...the real kind not the girl kind.
75. So I can run a mile in less than 15 minutes (And actually run it not walk)
74.To be able to have my blood pressure taken with the normal cuff
73.To feel womanly again and not like some bloated out version of my former self.
72. To have more fun during sex
71. To have more stamina during sex
70. To be sexier and fit into sexier lingerie.
69.To be able to wear mini skirts---proudly.
68. To get some gorgeously skanky tattoo on my hip and thigh or down my side that is just hot.
67. To have less struggles getting ready in the morning
66. To not feel tired all the time
65. To have energy and use it freely
64. To fit into a standard size bathtub easily and without struggle.
63.To get sexy hair styles that normally wouldn't look good on my face shape.
62. To look more desirable when I apply to pharmacy school next fall.
61. To be able to say I have overcome obesity.
60. To fit in bar stool chairs and not have the arms dig into my hips and thighs.
59. To run around with my nieces and nephews
58. So my panties stay up on their own and not roll down my fat roll
57. To not have cellulite on my thighs
56. To not see the mole on the underside of my chin that can only be seen when my face is fat.
55.To have a pretty driver's license picture not one where I look like Mimi from Drew Carrey show
54. To not be ashamed of the number that comes out of my mouth when people ask how much I weigh
53. To be able to share clothes with my sisters
52. So my husband can carry me into our hotel room when we finally go to Disneyworld!
51. To be able to have freaky sex against the wall with my husband only holding my hips.
50. To sit on my husbands lap and have him enjoy it for longer than the 2 minutes it takes for his legs to fall asleep now.
49.To cross my legs like a real lady
48. To wear thong underwear without feeling like the waist band is cutting me.
47. So I can paint my toenails beautiful colors and not struggle to reach them
46. To not have to have a warm up before I stand up from the furniture
45.To not be 27 with grandma flabby arms
44. To be excited to shop again
43. To take family pictures to be proud of
42. To be free from the chains of this weight
41. To not look at the size of meals and wonder if I will still be hungry.(Even when it's clearly huge)
40. To FEEL beautiful again
39. To not have my chin rest on my chest when I lay on my back
38. To have a skinnier labial area.(I know this one is weird but it does actually get bigger when I gain weight)
37.To fit with my husband in a queen size bed and not feel like one of us is hogging the bed.
36. To drink water regularly and like doing it.
35. To wear a bra that actually fits and doesn't increase my back fat rolls.
34. To not be ashamed if someone sees me naked.
33. To be proud of the hard work I have to do to get there.
32. To wear actual skinny jeans not just any pair of jeans and have them fit like skinny jeans because my thighs are so huge!
31. To tan and have a cute little heart on my belly that people can see without me being ashamed.
30. To get a piggy back ride from my husband.
29. To look sexy in sexy panties instead of like a blob trying to squeeze into sexy panties.
28. To wear calf or thigh high boots that actually fit my calfs/thighs.
27. To wear tank tops freely without reservations
26. To not look in a full elevator and  calculate that I will put the thing over the weight limit.
25. To not have my belly rub on everything I walk near
24. To have a desirable butt with cute formed little butt cheeks
23. To be normal
22. To be loved
21. To have what I want
20. To do better in all aspects of my life
19. To be a positive role model.
18. To drink without fear that alcohol will make me fat
17. To be able to be pulled behind a boat fast without worrying if it can handle my weight
16. To wear slutty Halloween costumes
15. To renew my vows in a form fitted wedding gown
14. To not have my husband accidentally put on my jeans and have like 10 extra inches of room
13. To lay out in the summer and be happy with my body
12. TO have more room when Scott and I shower together.
11. To prove to myself I am worth it
10. To feel excited about my future
9. To love myself
8. To gain back my personality pre-weight gain
7. To have faith in myself and my goals
6. Dream big and know my dreams are attainable
5. To do a pull up at the gym
4. To hear people say are you losing weight? And gleefully respond yes!
3. To be a better me.
2. To feel better
1. Because I can and I want to.

Keep on Dreamin.

Today is the first day of 2012. Crazy right? The year they say will be our last....I'm doubting that but you never know, so this year I am not resoluting to do anything crazy or drastic. Yes I want to lose weight, save money, stop biting my nails(again), do laundry everytime the basket is full, and be a better wife. But this is all stuff that is EXTREME from what I already do. So instead, here I am, just being me and working on that so the weight will fall off, money will add up, nails will grow, and laundry will stay done all by persistence. If I believe I can, I WILL.
Not alot of updates on my progress...holidays are a rough time to lose weight but I didn't gain any additional pounds either so that is a good note.

Scott and I joined the local gym on Saturday. We will be getting our $50 a month out of the membership!! :) Already have gone once and planning to go again tonight when he gets home.

Life is so different now than 10 years ago. I can't believe I ACTUALLY married my first love, and we are actually doing this! It is the most awesome feeling in the world! I love my husband and am so excited to be spending the next 50, 60, 70 plus years with him. Can't wait to be a healthy weight so I can start our family!

HAPPY 2012!! Good vibes for everyone!