About from Pig to Twig

Hello out there!
My name is Ashlee. I'm like the epitome of life time student (as a 6th year senior at a freaking community college, I'm just going to get my pre-requisites for pharmacy school finished up which has been a much bigger battle in itself than just school, but that's a whole different story ) I recently married my best friend and we moved an hour away from our hometown. Being away from family is the hardest ever, but it's also made me step back and look at my life and who I am. I have let go of myself and ballooned up to a startling number, which as of this minute I am afraid to even look at the scale. I'm unhealthy, morbidly obese as the text books state, which is insulting in itself as that seems to suggest some gruesomeness is involved when looking at me or being around me. My BMI is close to 50. I have no other existing conditions that are weight related (besides depression/anxiety) which is kind of a cyclic side effect of being big. I get depressed, eat, gain weight, get depressed, eat more, gain more, get anxiety about the amount gained etc. you get the point. I'm tired all of the time, highly intolerable to the cold, and pretty unmotivated in most aspects of my life.

I have self described this phase as becoming a blob: physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I don't just eat to survive.

I eat anything and everything for any reason or absolutely no reason, in insanely large amounts. Very similar to slop on a pig farm(hence the blogs title) It's almost like an addictive drug, the sense of euphoria and completeness washes away any rooted cause of the binge and usually is followed by hours of the oh god I ate to much feeling. Not too far off from the guilt that overcomes me, as I know the 1000's of calories I just downed are going to cause more weight gain and then another round of binging. The truth is, I have actually been this big for most of my life. I say "most" because I got the power and courage to do this once before and lost over 100 pounds in high school between my Junior and Senior year. I maintained for a few years, then got a live in boyfriend and the rest is history.It's vicious and deadly and NOT the answer I'm accepting anymore. 

For me, this is not a case of not knowing if I CAN do it, because I already know I can. I have before. It's about being ready to accept that this is not how I want to be, not who I am, and most certainly not who I am going to continue to be. It's about learning to co-exist with exercise and eating to survive not to satisfy some other lost part of my being.

I have accepted the fact that I am in danger of serious medical conditions due to my weight, especially with a family history that is not blue ribbon material in itself. So, with the support of my husband I am going to alter my lifestyle to eat healthier, in much smaller, more humanly portions, AND (this one's the big one) exercise on a daily basis to get to a text book healthy weight. Which for me, (at 5'9") is between 150-160 pounds. The low healthy is around 130 pounds, but for me that is unrealistic. I want to still look like an adult woman with smooth lines when I am at my goal. So more in the form of a twig or healthy stick not a board. I am aiming for 160 pounds which is borderline on the healthy line...and my timeline is not set because I want to do this the right way and pace off the weight just as I have allowed it to pace itself on.

The reason for this blog is to have something or someone to be accountable to. I need this extra umph to keep me on course. I am going to be posting pictures of each 10 pound loss I achieve and in the unfortunate chance I gain some weeks, I will post a weekly progress photo. This is so I can see the transformation for myself (which I am hoping will help with the emotions of losing weight) and to keep me motivated. Feel free to check back frequently, I intend on posting often check out my posts, pictures, etc as you wish and don't be afraid to join on the journey. Please keep your comments positive as one of the sole purposes of this blog is to gain support in my battle.

I'll post week 1 photos tomorrow and measurements.

Happy Reading and wish this pig luck on her journey!
~*Miss Piggy